I am... Argz...

I hate this semester... Jie, even though I told u that i will wanna a break, but my mind still will think... To be true, this time round, I am really hurt, hurt until my heart break, hurt until I am giving up in... Hm.. I used to think that I am quite a happiness person, but now i dont feel any joy... I will treat it as a lesson.. I know tat the more I treasure, the more I am getting hurt, the more happiness I am, the more saddness I am too.. This is a kaoyan, I wont blame anyone, and of cos my dearest LaoMuLiang too.. But only have to blame myself... This is life, a cycle.. When reaching the higestest limit, in the end, it will also begin to go down... Gd thing wont last... Jie, u say tat you only want to give me a short break, but if I really want a break, I really want a long long long break......

I have been trying very hard, to please, to treasure anything around in my life.. Cos I always thought they are very important to me.. I ever wonder tat if I dont treasure, dont Fu Chu, maybe I wont get those happiness now, but I might wish to be a average person tat wont affect alot by this emotional thing.. Do you agree..

I just need an understanding, concerning, caring and be there for me when I am down, that is enough, and all this is my motivation, my support... Why there is a turing in my life at age 19, bec I feel and sense all this, and it change my life.. I wont return back to the past me, tat is bec I have learn and study alot of those Dao Li.. But if can go back, where I dont understand and study alot of those dao, I will prefer tat way I am, dont care of others, just do myself, no need care, no need concern, no need to... Jie, I know u get wat i mean...

Jie, u know tat I will sacrifice my whole life happiness to change my surrounding ppl to get Enlightenment.. No matter for now, or future I wont regret... But sometimes I will feel tat i am so silly to have this thinking.. I did mention to you tat I hope to be a care and free person, dont bother in other ppl thing, and affect me too much but you say I wont... Indeed I wont.. But this begin to let me feel so tired and tired, and also wonder if my thinking still correct, will i still persevere on? Nah.. I know tat you will say my thinking is right and I will still continue with it, right...

hm..Promise!! Is which I really believe tat a Promise it importance.. But yet I failed to do so.. I am sorry to break my promise.. I will never ever promise anyone, if only I know I can do it.. Bec I fail in my promise, I hate myself in it.. Argz.. Jie, but can you promise me something, and that is accompany me to go DRINK.. This time round, I have the urge to get drunk.. Really.. I know this is bad for health, and I know I cant do tat, but I dont care... Just once for now... please, my dearest Jie...

I am tired, is 3.30am liao, going sleep, wont be blogging until next week thurs...

Lastly, my feeling to ___:
I feel tat we are drifting apart, I slowly begin to dont really understand you, more and more stranger.. From a friend conversation, and she ask me how well I know you, but I really couldnt ans back, she then say bec I really dont Liao Jie you and we are not tat___.. Eversince then, I been wondering why I dont know, I always thought I know you well.. This prove me wrong, totally failure... Argz... Anyway, I will learn to fangxia in alot of the thing tat I wont need anymore care, any concern, any thing for me, I will also learn to be more independance, I will not give anymore promises in future, I will stay away from you as possible as I wont want to trouble you, but for only one thing, I will always give you my support and be there for you when you are down, and that will be my last promise to you.... DuiBuQi..Maybe one day, hm...