Wanna giveup temporary...

I hope to get my tcm liscence 5 years from now. But I now feel a bit siansation, no mood, really wanna stop first, few years later then continue my tcm. Even though I still have very strong interest in tcm, but now I really cannot concentrate. I really hope to find a job first, then save alot of money, so that next time if I study tcm, I can fully concentrate, with no worry.. As for now, seeing my mother who has to work for 10plus hours, I really wanna work so that she will not be so tired, and her health is getting worse if continue like that... Before my father left, I have told her that she still need to TaHan for only a few months, cos I am going to graduate soon,and I will be working after poly, then she won't be so XinKu... But now, she has try to earn as much as she can, thus, accept those buffet (sometimes only Ji Shi Kuai Jian, work so many hours..), just for the sake I study the tcm.. ArGZ, really a bit regret study now.. I should study only our finance is stable...

Today I should rest at home doing my thing, cos normally I will off during weekend, but then after buying books at JE, went to mother stall, then realise that no body help her, if i didnt help her, she and Ah Hu only.. and she will do alot of thing, making her more tired.. Although I stay at the stall helping her, I still abit siansation, moodless, cos I feel that I cant do my thing, somemore I really got alot of my thing to do, I really dont know how, what should I do.. I am too stress, more stress then poly life... Seem like studying, but not studying period, seem like working, but not full time working... Argz...

If I work now, she need not work for so long, and won't be xingku... But she don't understand me.. I won't giveup even though the tcm is very hard, hard to study, hard to understand, but the most affecting factor is I am troubled of her health if she continue work so long, cos of money, resulting me cannot concentrate, wanna give up in my tcm... Arg~, what should I do... HELP!!!

She got tell me if really busy with my tcm, I can no need to help her work... But if i really didnt help her, I will still cannot concentrate, and no mood to study. She will need to work very xingku to give for my fees, but I really scare she will break down within this 5 years.. I really do scare that if I really able study hard and get my tcm licence, she will left me, I haven repay her and she will be gone, very scare that this thing will happen again, like the case of my father.. Just finish poly and left me... Wo Hai Mei You Work, Hai Mei You Gei Ni Meng Xiang Shou and Xing Fu, Ni Que Li Wo Er Qu..

Mummy, If you exchange your health, working so Xing Ku, in order for me to study well in my tcm, get my license after 5years, do you think I now can study well. I know I should study well so that your effort wont be gone, but life is so wu chang, what if similar to daddy case, then how.. I am very troubled, I am very tired, I am very stress, I am very scare... Nobody understand my feeling!!