To the only one I HURT most, and that is you, APPLE!!!

This will be my first and last dairy i will put in this blog, and is only meant for you...

To my Dearest Apple,
I know whatever i say, is already no use... No matter how much i say SORRY to you, and tat is also no use, cos I know I hurt you much... You might be hurt more than I did... To me, i wanna tell you all this, because that is a best friend need to do... U may be misunderstand tat I told you my friend has told me.. In here I say again.. My friend say tat if one party dont tell another party their feeling, then tat is counted not a very best friend... Do you see the point? Is not your fault.. all is my fault... Is me not doing what a best friend need to do... I am wondering this few weeks, whether wat is a best friend should be, are we still or not? That is all my problem and not you... You may be very best friend to me, but I seem like not being a best friend to you cos I hide thing away from you.. Do you get my point...

As for the Zhi Ji, I am sorry to think that, but I really confuse... I maybe a bit dong yao on this, but no matter wat, I still did regard you as my Zhi Ji... And this is forever and I know it... Then why is that I only tell Irene jie some of my unhappiness, that is bec I really very Zhai Hu, treasure the promise I give you... I really dont wanna let you sad, let you cry over this small thing... But this doesnt mean tat you are not my Zhi Ji... You know...

As for my father thing, as for my Qing Xiu thing, as for my most most sad thing, you are always be there for me.. To me, that is enough... I do appreaciate it alot in my heart, just tat you dont know.. Why I know tat you will be my very best friend and only zhi ji that is bec I can see you cry over my Qing Xiu thing, my dad funernal.. You think I didnt see you cry in my father funeral when you help me take those video? Actually I did saw it, I know you are the one I can put all my effort, all my feeling... If you dont believe, you can ask my mother... Eversince I have regard you as my poly very best friend, I always tell my mother about you... I told you tat my mother will say me tat why keep making this art thing for you, do you know wat is my ans... I say cos you are my best friend and I know I wont regret spenting all those time, all those effort... Sometimes she might feel weird about this, but I always told her, can you find a real friend that will cry over when you say you wanna Qing Xiu.. She didnt.. But I told her, I found it... That is my real friend.. And you are the only friend in my whole life tat will cry, sad, wanna my life to be so happiness.. Where can I still find this kind of friend... No one liao... only you...

And who is the only one that will accompany me 2 days during my father funeral when I really so SAD* million of times, and who is the only one that accompany me the whole night during the first day... and is you again... Do you think I forget it ma... Now even I am in tcm, I always share those things abt those care and concern u gave me, those present art you do for me, those tear from you abt my dad thing and my Qing Xiu thing, to my tcm friends.. Besides my tcm friends, my sec friends, my fav teacher, my religion friends, especially the 2 sisters that you think they are really very pretty one, but i told the younger sister and my four aunts that you met them before.. But why, tat is bec I really appreaciate whatever you do for me in my heart, and I wanna share my this happiness with everyone I know.. You know my, my sec friends quite envy of me, cos I can truely find a person, a very true and gd friend that treat me very gd that I know you wont do any harm to me... I am so proud to have you in my life, you know.. My sis is sometimes jealous of me treat you so good, but i dont care... At least you wanna my happiness so much rather than her.. She wont cry over me for those Qing Xiu thing, but only you.. She wont cry over my saddness thing, but only you again...

But to me, as long as you are be there for me whenever those major Sad thing, that is really enough for me liao.. Cos you have done alot for me liao.. If I last time didnt promise you that I wont let you sad, let you cry over me, I can tell you tat whatever thing I am going through, no matter how major or minor saddness.. I will of course tell you... But why am I like tat, I just dont wanna let you sad, worry for me just those minor sad thing... Is all bec I really wanna you to be happy always.. More HAPPY than SAD for me, when you are with me!!!! Just bec of the promise, I hesitate to tell you watever sadness I going through, and that is why my friend say if this kind of friendship is not call best friend.. So no matter wat, all problem lie on me.. I dont wanna this kind of what my friend call this kind of friendship, that why now I decided to tell you watever my sad thing, my unhappy thing.. But I dont meant to let you hear liao, getting hurt, getting sad... Do you know how pain is my heart to see you cry again... I blame myself hard for always breaking those promise, I wont forgive myself...

Why is tat I drive to you house just to see you again, cos after you left, I really Bu Fang Xin.. I just wanna you to be safe reach home.. After c you again, then I know how much hurt I have create on you.. You call me to drive safely home, but at that point of times, I really dont feeling like going home.. When driving, I just wanna bang myself, just die like tat, but I know I cant, If i do so, I will make your whole life miserable, and I dont wanna my family to blame on you.. That Y i decided to sms you telling tat I reach home.. I also wanna you to fang xing for me, you know..

Apple, I wanna a real true friend, a true best friend, that I can share everything.. Only from now then I really understand wat is a best friend, tat is sharing watever happiness, watever saddness, without hiding... I am wrong in the past, tats y i really dont want this kind of hiding friendship.. I wanna a true best friend that I give you... I know that whatever sadnness or happiness, you will always tell me, I really grateful to it... To me, I also wanna same like you, you know...

I really dont wanna see you cry, I really dont wanna hurt you so much, I really dont wanna.. I wanna see your cheerful side, happy side... But now, I am making worst.. Facing you, I really dont know what to say, all is only sorry.. I really dont have face to see you.. Apple, I really like you alot as my very best friend, and really dont wish to lose you.. But as I say earlier,I really dont care of the outcome.. Whether you forgiving me or not, I really wont think too much.. All I know is, I will always be your best friend forever, your Zhi Ji forever, and no matter how happiness and Saddness u r, I will always be there for you in my heart, like what the composed song I write for you... [Bu Guan Duo Yuan Wo Hui Zai Zhe Li Shou Hu Zhe Ni, and also Ni Shi WO De Zhi Ji, Liao Jie Wo De Xin Shi] I will left away from you, I wont trouble you anymore, I wont make you cry anymore, I wont let you sad anymore, But pls do, Find your real best friend who is more better, who will confirm better than me... I am just a failure friend to you, in my whole life, If I really Dui Bu Qi, Shan Hai De Ren in my friendship, and that you only...

Thanks for every prayer for me, I really can sense that, cos I know you wanna me have happy, better life.. Thanks my dear friend... I did enjoy the concert, just tat not as much as the past, that is bec I know I need to face those thing after the concert, face how to tell you.. Anyway, very big thank you to you, cos you always let me see your religion concert... I really did enjoy watching and listening.. You may feel tat I seldom active, as you know tat my religion style and yours is totally different, we here is quite serious one, so I sometimes find it weird to follow wat you do.. But apple, not saying today concert one, cos those think that I troubled in my mind, but you know ma, in the past, I really do listen to you, really do give you face, really do Pei He Ni, watever you call me stand up, or use the lighting stick, I will still try to follow.. Even though since young didnt have this kind feeling, but I do for your sake, I still do watever you call me.. Apple, I really did enjoy and like it during the concert where we using the sand bottle.. No matter what you wanna me to do, for your sake, I will always do, that is bec your are my best friend..

Dui Bu Qi, Wo Bu Hui Zai Fan Ni Le... Good bye, my dearest APPLE!! Jiayou Apple!!

Love,
Jiajia
18/06/2006
1.55 am

This is how I always write to you in my dairy.. Take care...