To my Dearest Irene Jie...

Irene, I am really very grateful to you and very touch. Really.. To me, I am surprise. Thanks for your concern also.. Really dont know how to express my thank you to you.. I am really very fortunate to know you... Zhen De.. You are a very special friend to me.. I know you treat me very good, care for me alot.. Wo Zhen De Hen Gan Ji Ni... Xie Xie..

To my other friends, thanks for concerning me also.. I still fine.. Thanks..

Thanks to Dian Chuan Shi, Tang Zhu, and fellow Dao Qing...

Recently didnt sleep well. On sunday only start sleeping at 7am in the morning, help dad massage at 6am. Then today, only sleep at 4am plus, cos accompany dad and massage for him too.. His health become worst till extremely worst.. He can't sleep. He try to sleep on the bed, but about 2 min later, he will be very Xin Ku, cant breathe well.. So he try to sit, and he still breathe in diffculty.. I really dont know how to help him so as to reduce his pain... Mum feel the same too.

Finally, I told my dad that Thanks for bring me to the world, and sorry that I have hurt my body before. And also told him that from now onwards, I will not hurt myself again. Then he nodded. I cry when telling him all this.. And I think he will be glad that I have told him this. Then he say, Jia, Daddy Zhen De Heng Xiang Huo Jiu Yi Dian (Want to live longer), when I heard that, I more hurt, and more tear coming from eyes.

I also hope that He can live longer, but if really fate, and I will still be happy for him, cos he has Tuo Li Ku Hai.. I know he still din Fang Xia. Yi Qie You Lao Mu An Bai...

Bec I am really tired, I start sleeping at 4 am, while mum take care of him, cos she had sleep for an hour liao... But at about 9plus, I was wake up by my sis, saying that dad want go hospital, wanna me to go also.. At that point, I was very sian half, cos not enough sleep, led to headache..

Stay at the hospital from 11am till at about 7pm, cos at night got pray. Seeing him like that, really hurt, but not only he suffer, we as his family also suffer, especially mum. For me I already cannot TaHan le, so my mother too.. Dad will be staying at SGH for 2 to 3 days, before going home, he look better, not very in pain le... Really hope he will well...

Really thanks to all the Dian Chuan Shi, Tang Zhu, and fellow Dao Qing... Today got 13 people Kou Qiu 500 Kou Shou for my dad, include Tang Zhu, Dao Qing, Maid, Mum, Bro and Me.. Kuo Qiu to Lao Mu, Shi Zhun, Shi Mu, and all those buddha, saying that hope to reduce dad suffering, and if have any Gong De, we Hui Xiang our Gong De to my dad.. I was very grateful to them.. Beside, we also Nian 3 sutra to Hui Xiang to my dad for at least 30 min and so. They are Mi Le Zhen Jing, Qing Jing Jing, Ji Gong Hou Fo Jiu Shi Zhen Jing... Really thanks to them alot and alot... Also thanks to Chen Dian Chuan Shi, bec is he ask those Tang Zhu to come our place to help kou Qiu one...

Lao Mu Niang, your child Jiajia really hope that you can help my dad to reduce suffering.. I willing to do more good deed and Zai Dao Chang Duo Duo Liao Yuan. Lao Mu Niang Xie Xie Ni...

Dad send to NUH...

I was awaken by my sis at 3 plus am, saying that dad is in pain and has called ambulance. I was very tired, as I only start sleeping at 2 plus am. So my maid, sis accompany me, and I drive to the NUH while mum accompany dad in the ambulance to the NUH. Seeing dad like that, abit hurt as he suffer alot. But seeing mum everyday take care of dad, and most of the time didnt sleep well, and still need to manage business, I really bad for it...

Don't know how to help her, only can listen and help her to do work when she want me to do. While waiting for dad, mum has talk to us alot. If dad leave this world, we might change to a four room flat, but this only can only be done when all thing settle.. Mum say that there are alot of debt, and hopefully can settle within 6months.. Hai~

At about 7am, dad can go home... He is ok liao, but mum didnt really sleep, and still need to go to work. For me and my sis, we immediately went to bed, I really cannot TaHan. I know that if mum continue like that, she will break down one day.. Hai~ Really feel sian and dont know what to do... Really very Tired, and due to not enough sleep, also result in headache.. Argz!!!

Really hope that everything goes smoothly...

我的故事!

(The chinese words can be view by unicode from the encoding)

Before I begin, I would like to thanks my daddy and mummy for bringing me to this world and Sorry that I have made them angry and hurt them in the past.

在二十一年前的三月, 我和我的妹妹诞生了. 当我一出生时，我不能喝也不能吃，因为我的肠胃出现问题，我都会把那些食物吐出来. 因此，我必须要在第二天开刀. 在那时候，我的手轻轻的抓住我爸爸的手.我知道他是我爸爸, 也知道隔天必须要动手术, 好让我爸爸不用担心我. 但是, 虽然动了第一个手术, 医生说我的肠还是有问题,必须开第二次的手术. 爸爸和妈妈听了, 都很害帕, 也很担心我的安全. 我的妈妈就马上恳求上帝,好让我平平安安. 我的这条小命,是爸爸的眼泪, 和妈妈的血, 和上天的帮助, 换回来的. 因为妈妈帮我承担我的业力, 结果她开刀的伤口打开, 喷出很多血来, 流到整个床. 是我爸爸马上带我妈妈到医院求医的. 原来, 我的出生, 是带给我爸妈那么辛苦. (这是一位我妈妈的朋友今天告诉我的)

但在这二十一年里, 我都没好好的感谢我爸妈,反而还弄他们生气, 伤心和难过.. 不只这样, 我还割我的手, 伤害我的身体. 只有到了现在, 我才醒悟, 才知错. 但是, 这可能是太迟了. 我不知道我爸爸还能活多久, 不知道还能孝顺她多久. 我很后在这二十一年里，没有好好地对待他，只有剩下的一两个月才对他好. 有一位我爸妈的朋友今天告诉我说，我爸爸可能只有多一到两个礼拜的寿命。因为他的肺已经快要完全腐烂了. 我听到了之后，心里真得很伤心. 真的很不舍得，也不希望他那么快离开我们. 但是，这些是无常，由不得我们做主.

只要有生，必有死. 但是人还是有七情六欲. 我还是会很伤心, 眼泪还是会不停的得流出来...

刚才帮爸爸推他的背后, 很想告诉他说我很感谢他带我来到这世上, 但我说不出口. 我会想要告诉他, 也许会在这几天吧, I will try... Cos I scare that I won't have anymore chance if I don't do it faster.. 我真的不知道还有多少的明天还能见到我的爸爸，但我会好好地珍惜每一天with him.

我真的很希望会有奇迹，因为我希望他能活久一点.. 会有奇迹吗？奇迹会出现吗？我会等待奇迹的出现...

To all my friends, thanks for your concern for me.. I am fine... But I really hope that you all will treat your parent good. Maybe you all might disagree them, and to some, who dislike either mother or father, please don't.. Cos you will like me in the end regret.. No matter what, they are doing good for you... Love them more, filial them more when they are still around.. 尊师重道和孝顺父母. All the best, and take care....

Poly Ended, but still have to face other thing...

At last finish my 3 years poly life... During first year, wanna quit sch liao, but mum not allow.. I have to REN REN and REN until now, very happy, at last finish le... But a bit sad, cos cant see my classmates le.. No laughter, no playing, no joking... Really like my classmates alot..
After our last paper on wed (13/4), we went to East Coast Park for dinner.. Then also went to Changi ... During the long road, me and weixian's car block alan's car.. It was very enjoy and fun... Somemore challeng with Alan, dont wanna him to cut into my road... but in the end he will win me... He very pro sia... We have a great and fun in our last exam outing... Hehe...

Today also celebrate Amy bday, hope she do well and all the best in her future.. We stay at JP mac from 8pm till 10.30 plus pm, we just keep talking and talking.. Girls talk ma.. hehe.. Have a great time...Hope she is happy and enjoy with it...

Hm.. Recently very sad... and this affect my mood and no mood to study.. Dad illness has become bad to worst... Everytime studying in his table, will always hear him coughing.. And the way he cough, is very hard, and this make my heart to feel weak and scare... and he seem to become weaker and weaker in each day.. He is very weak, now when he start talking, he is breathless...

Today went with my parent to the hospital for dad check up, I was very sian sian and moodless... The doctor say that my dad cant do therapy in this present situation. No medicine can help him, nothing, we cant do nothing at all.. The doctor also say, now the cancer that are inside his lung will be growing alot and bigger.. and we cant do anything. We can only do, is to wait and wait, until he leave this world.. I hate his cancer, his cancer is so fiecre.. just a month, the cancer has mutiply alot and grow even bigger.. if two month later, the cancer will be more jialat.. Now, nothing can stop the growing of the cancer..

I was scare, sad and really very trouble by this.. He really suffer alot... Seeing him days and days become weaker, my heart very pain... Pain, pain and pain...

This is the second time of my feeling liao.. Like waiting for a person to slowly leaving this world, seeing their suffering.. the first time is bec of grandma.. Yan Zhen Zhen De kan Ta Li Kai.. now is dad.. ARGZ.. what can i do actually? I really dont know, I am lost.. totally lost... I can only treat him gd, filial to him.. but cant help him out of the suffer..

Everything change, lifestyle change and the feeling change... Those good times wont be back liao!!!!!